5 things to remember when you argue with your Significant Other

wedding

happily-ever-after

 

It was my second anniversary a while ago, which means that I have been happily married for over 730 days now. I think hubby has also been happily married however I can’t always guarantee that – I am not an easy person to be with.

 

I know that’s often something we say in jest; “I’m not difficult, I’m interesting” is what I keep telling hubby and he keeps rolling his eyes at me. But I know I’m difficult. I am stubborn, can go from zero to total rage in about five seconds flat and I am super stuck in my ways and unable (maybe even unwilling) to change for anyone, even someone I absolutely adore like hubby.

 

And yet he still loves me, somehow, and thinks all my crazies are worth it. I think he’s a saint, but it’s not like he doesn’t drive me nuts every now and again. So how can two imperfect people who know exactly how to push each other’s buttons be happy together?

 

It’s not magic (OK it is a little) but quite practical really. Here’s how.

 

1. Be honest.
I am a brutally honest character, and I am always willing to chip in my 2 cents on any given matter. But when I say be honest I mean honest about how you feel and what you think. Don’t say “I’m OK” if you’re not. Don’t say “it doesn’t matter” if it does. Being honest is about more than telling your significant other that their beloved t-shirt is actually pretty shit and you want to burn it instead of smiling and letting them wear it one more time before you snip it into pieces and hide the evidence (not that I ever would). It’s about being accountable for your own thoughts and feelings. You can’t expect them to know what’s wrong if you don’t tell them.

 

2. Be direct.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you’re upset tell them why you’re upset. If you’re happy tell them what made you happy. If something they said upset you, you owe it to yourself and to them to say exactly what it is. Otherwise it will linger and fester and become harder to resolve. Even if it is a silly thing. Just say it and say exactly what it is. They deserve to understand you and this makes communication so much easier.

 

3. Be kind.
Being honest or direct doesn’t mean you need to be hurtful, rude or mean. Often, it isn’t the message, it’s the delivery, and whenever you can, you should try and be kind when communicating with your partner. It’s hardest to do when you’re angry (believe me I know. I have the worst temper ever) but especially when you’re angry you should try and take extra care to be kind. Because when you’re kind you can get your message across so much better than when you’re screaming or being witty. Your partner will actually hear you because you’re not scarring their ego and hurting their feelings. I know it sounds like a lot of kumbaya nonsense but it actually works.

 

4. Say “I love you”
Tell them you love them every day, even when you’re so pissed off you want to push needles into a little voodoo doll that looks exactly like them. Because you do love them even when you’re mad.

 

5. You don’t need to win every time.
This is the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn and I must confess I’m still working on it. Every argument is not a battle from where one of you will rise victorious and righteous and winning. There’s no victors in war and there certainly aren’t any when two people who love each other argue. You don’t always have to be right. They don’t always have to be wrong. Sometimes, giving in is kind of winning. I often have to stop and ask myself if I want a cuddle more than to be right, and usually, I want a cuddle and the stupid argument to stop. Just don’t tell hubby that.

 

Hit me up in the comments if I’ve missed any vital advice!

  • communication is the key to any relationship, i had to deal with this a lot in my relationship because both of us prefer to deal with our problems internally which of course doesn’t work. thanks for sharing great points, i agree with all of them 🙂

  • Maikelsworld

    I think its so important to let each other know that you appreciate the other. Relationships are a lot of work, but so worth it when it makes you happy. Congrats on the first year!

  • This was so real!!! Love number 5, this is so important. I’m a firm believer in picking your battles wisely, life is too short! I pray you and your husband are blessed with many more years of joy, peace & love x

    • Awwww thanks hun xxx

  • Amazing post dear. Congrats for your anniversary. I´m absolutely agreed with this. I also 7 years married, and everyday is a lesson for us. On every fight try to say sorry who did it wrong, even hard sometime. 😉

  • These are such great tips! And they can all apply to when you argue with a friend or a family member as well as your significant other.

    • Oh yeah, you totally could! Good point 🙂 xx

  • I agree with this, and yes you do not need to win all the time. I see it this way, would you hurt someone intentionally just to get your point across? Congrats on being married for a year! Hope you have many more, dont forget to always say “please, thank you and I am sorry”.

    • Yes, “please” and “thank you” and “sorry” are actually really important even if, or especially when you’re married! Manners are nice and it’s nice to be nice 😀 Thanks for congrats too 🙂 xx

  • Jasmin N

    These are some wonderful tips! 🙂 I definitely agree with all of your points, especially with the 5th part. I also would add that yelling to each other is not how to solve the argument 😀

    • I fully agree, I usually shout when I have nothing more of value to add to the conversation… which is bad, I know 🙁 xxx

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